[Laughter Addiction]
I moved into a new dormitory room and after getting things organized I found a diary on the shelves. It had no name on it so I opened it to see if there was a sign of who the owner was. Then I encountered a story about a girl who was very peculiar. This is her diary below.
After reading the first page, I realized that this girl was similar to me. I mean, only the first part. I didn’t enjoy living in middle school but after coming to this school, I changed into a brighter child. However, she seemed to be a little crazy. How could anybody possibly get addicted to laughing? I couldn’t understand. Still, something inside me made me turn the page over.
However, I did not laugh a lot when I first came to KMLA. Most of all, I was worried about the issue of fitting in, even before my first day of high school. My worries proved not to be true on my 1st day of school. Even though I had come from the countryside, everyone welcomed me and I got to laugh a lot.
Okay. I learned that she was from the countryside, which makes it a lot easier to find the owner. Are there any more clues?
But to tell you the real truth, the reason why I smiled a lot was because of a boy. I didn’t even know his name, but I first saw him in the elevator. He was tall, skinny, and overall had a big smile on his face. I was sick and was on my way to get some medicine from the school nurse. When I was getting off the elevator, suddenly I felt dizzy. It was like I had stepped out of one of those washing machines on the B1 floor of the dormitory. I couldn’t get a grip of myself. I stumbled out of the dormitory and headed towards the nurses office, but I was confused and ended up in the gym. Of course I couldn’t stop laughing throughout the entire time of this mistake.
This girl was extremely weird. Is she mentally sick? I wondered who the boy was. I had so many questions but no answers. I kept on searching for a sign of the owner.
It wasn’t long before I fainted because I laughed too much when I was so sick. When I opened my eyes I was in the nurse’s office and many people were surrounding me. I glanced at the people and found the boy at the back row. He was looking at me with a worried face. I wondered who he was and the nurse told me that he was the one who brought me here from the gym. I thanked him and secretly began to have a crush on him. This is today’s diary, I wonder if I can get closer to him tomorrow.
This was something new to me and it made me smile warmly. Even though she seemed really strange and even crazy, the feeling of love was so sweet that I couldn’t stop smiling. I better find out who the owner is because I know she would be looking everywhere for it, or maybe she was interested in the boy that she didn't even realize her diary disappeared yet. Still, I wonder who it is. Is she someone I know?
After closing the diary I left my room and headed for the dorm parent's room. The owner could come by and get it if she noticed that it disappeared. As I was still searching for the name, I bumped into someone. "Ouch" Rubbing my forehead, I looked up and saw my Spanish teacher looking worried.
"Hola, profesora. Why are you in a hurry?"
"I lost something very important to me. I think I left it in the cafeteria after eating dinner yesterday. I bet someone took it to find the owner. The problem is everyone is too busy today moving their stuff. How am I ever going to find it!"
She talked faster than usual but I understood her and told her she should go to the dorm parent's room and ask them first. We decided to go together.
Knock Knock
The dorm parent opened the door for us and I handed her the pink diary.
"I found this in my new dorm room and I was hoping you could keep it until someone drops by to..."
"Oh, my! That's mine!"
When I wasn't even finished talking, my spanish teacher grabbed the diary and hugged it tight as if it was a treasure.
"Huh?"
"Oh, thanks Yoon Jee. Thank you so much for finding my diary!"
"Huh?! It's yours?"
I was still stunned. Words didn't seem to come out of my mouth. The elevator, the gym, the boy! It was hers?
"Yes, I was looking all over for this! Anyway thanks sweetie. Muchas gracias!"
"Um.. De nada, Okay.."
She turned away from me and walked gracefully out the door. Then she came in again and asked,
"Jee? Did you read it?"
"Oh, no.. I didn't."
I lied to her because she looked really worried and it was asecret just the two of us. I smiled at her and she nodded and went out. I could hear her calling someone on the phone.
"Hey, yeah. I found it. I think nobody saw it. Yes, of course it's a treasure to me because it is filled with things about you! Yes, I miss you too. See you in an hour. Yes, I love you too!"
Oh, my God. I bet that was the boy! I wanted to chase out and ask but I kept quiet, smiling gentely.
I moved into a new dormitory room and after getting things organized I found a diary on the shelves. It had no name on it so I opened it to see if there was a sign of who the owner was. Then I encountered a story about a girl who was very peculiar. This is her diary below.
While many people believe that addiction is a harmful thing, I’m addicted to laughter which is good for you. During middle school, I didn’t smile often even at times when others thought something was hilarious. However after coming to KMLA and meeting many people, I became addicted. I can’t understand how I can laugh more in a place and time when I’m receiving more stress. I tend to laugh out loud at trivial things and sometimes I can’t stop laughing for 10 minutes and start crying of a stomachache.
After reading the first page, I realized that this girl was similar to me. I mean, only the first part. I didn’t enjoy living in middle school but after coming to this school, I changed into a brighter child. However, she seemed to be a little crazy. How could anybody possibly get addicted to laughing? I couldn’t understand. Still, something inside me made me turn the page over.
Okay. I learned that she was from the countryside, which makes it a lot easier to find the owner. Are there any more clues?
But to tell you the real truth, the reason why I smiled a lot was because of a boy. I didn’t even know his name, but I first saw him in the elevator. He was tall, skinny, and overall had a big smile on his face. I was sick and was on my way to get some medicine from the school nurse. When I was getting off the elevator, suddenly I felt dizzy. It was like I had stepped out of one of those washing machines on the B1 floor of the dormitory. I couldn’t get a grip of myself. I stumbled out of the dormitory and headed towards the nurses office, but I was confused and ended up in the gym. Of course I couldn’t stop laughing throughout the entire time of this mistake.
This girl was extremely weird. Is she mentally sick? I wondered who the boy was. I had so many questions but no answers. I kept on searching for a sign of the owner.
It wasn’t long before I fainted because I laughed too much when I was so sick. When I opened my eyes I was in the nurse’s office and many people were surrounding me. I glanced at the people and found the boy at the back row. He was looking at me with a worried face. I wondered who he was and the nurse told me that he was the one who brought me here from the gym. I thanked him and secretly began to have a crush on him. This is today’s diary, I wonder if I can get closer to him tomorrow.
This was something new to me and it made me smile warmly. Even though she seemed really strange and even crazy, the feeling of love was so sweet that I couldn’t stop smiling. I better find out who the owner is because I know she would be looking everywhere for it, or maybe she was interested in the boy that she didn't even realize her diary disappeared yet. Still, I wonder who it is. Is she someone I know?
After closing the diary I left my room and headed for the dorm parent's room. The owner could come by and get it if she noticed that it disappeared. As I was still searching for the name, I bumped into someone. "Ouch" Rubbing my forehead, I looked up and saw my Spanish teacher looking worried.
"Hola, profesora. Why are you in a hurry?"
"I lost something very important to me. I think I left it in the cafeteria after eating dinner yesterday. I bet someone took it to find the owner. The problem is everyone is too busy today moving their stuff. How am I ever going to find it!"
She talked faster than usual but I understood her and told her she should go to the dorm parent's room and ask them first. We decided to go together.
Knock Knock
The dorm parent opened the door for us and I handed her the pink diary.
"I found this in my new dorm room and I was hoping you could keep it until someone drops by to..."
"Oh, my! That's mine!"
When I wasn't even finished talking, my spanish teacher grabbed the diary and hugged it tight as if it was a treasure.
"Huh?"
"Oh, thanks Yoon Jee. Thank you so much for finding my diary!"
"Huh?! It's yours?"
I was still stunned. Words didn't seem to come out of my mouth. The elevator, the gym, the boy! It was hers?
"Yes, I was looking all over for this! Anyway thanks sweetie. Muchas gracias!"
"Um.. De nada, Okay.."
She turned away from me and walked gracefully out the door. Then she came in again and asked,
"Jee? Did you read it?"
"Oh, no.. I didn't."
I lied to her because she looked really worried and it was asecret just the two of us. I smiled at her and she nodded and went out. I could hear her calling someone on the phone.
"Hey, yeah. I found it. I think nobody saw it. Yes, of course it's a treasure to me because it is filled with things about you! Yes, I miss you too. See you in an hour. Yes, I love you too!"
Oh, my God. I bet that was the boy! I wanted to chase out and ask but I kept quiet, smiling gentely.
Good approach, but keep in mind we want this to look like a real piece of creative writing. At this point, this looks like a "rush job." Too short, not enough detail framing the story, and you left in the (JCY) name references in. You should take those out. Pinning two paragraphs on either end of the story is not good enough for an A. You have time to fix it up.: )
답글삭제I see that you've improved it a lot since I wrote the above comment! It works A LOT better, and my interest was peaked throughout. The interruptions of narrative where the first person narrator reflects on what they've read makes for a more interesting read. All in all, this is funny, cute, and well written. But is it finished?
답글삭제This could continue onward. I thought there could be a little "twist" at the end where the narrator finds out it's her friend or walks to the elevator where she sees a handsome boy, and then a girl who can't stop laughing. Need a bit more to make it a better story. But, a vast improvement from what you had. An A for sure.